The days have passed very fast. Sometimes I find myself wondering even if the earth has rotated faster than normal. See, we are already closing the month of September! (When I was younger it didn’t seem like time ran as fast as it does today).
Unlike other days, I will not post text about exhortations or my theological reflections. I’m going to talk about suicide. This is a much discussed theme in this “yellow september” that it is used to make people aware of something that can sometimes be happening under our eyes without we seeing it.
Many brothers who read my texts here may have already seen that I was, in fact, recently converted. That before I was an atheist and denied the existence of God for some years. What few know is that I had a moment of depression in my life and some thoughts of death came to mind at that time. However, this is not unique to atheists. Depression is not a lack of God, as I see many believers saying all the time. I have seen people very used by God go into crises of deep sadness, what is very painful.
Trying to explain what I felt: Depression is a feeling of loneliness, even in the midst of crowds. It feels like in nothing and for anyone we are useful. It is the thought that the world has suffered in sadness and there is no joy or meaning in life. Your body feels heavy and tired even after a good night’s sleep. In short, it’s like being in a dark room with no doors or windows where there is no reason to continue living.
It was the worst time of my life. However, I wore for months the mask of someone happy and excited to try to hide the pain from myself and the people around me.
It’s been a while, but if you ask me, my own family was surprised and gaping when I revealed to them these days that I thought of suicide at a certain point in my life.
God changed my life, it’s true, made his light shine through the darkness I was in. Today I have no signs of the depression I once had. And for God’s glory, I’m here sending this message through a blog that reaches so many people.
But unfortunately not so with everyone. Therefore, I ask that everyone be always aware of the people around you. Practice Christian love and care for the people next to you! Ask and dedicate your time to everyone. There is nothing sadder than knowing that Christ gave someone his life and his joy and that person could not see because she is so deep in sadness.
To you who haven’t been happy
Although many see it as a foolishness. I’m here, in first person, to say it’s not. I understand how difficult it is and how sometimes there seems to be no way out. I understand what it is like to not see joy in anything you do and think about taking your own life. And I know the feeling of loneliness and how these things hurt. You cannot feel love even though you are trying to show it all the time. And it feels even worse, as if it was kind of ingratitude that you can’t feel that love.
Even with many saying this all the time, I will ask you not to give up and give yourself a chance to seek help. The love of Jesus is available to you and he expects absolutely nothing in return. It doesn’t matter what you have done or who you are. Someone died in your place so that you could have life in abundance! Jesus took on our infirmities and carried our sorrows (Isaiah 53:4; Matthew 8:17)
Life! Do not be afraid!
Any feeling contrary to life comes not from God but from the evil one. And if you have so far resisted the lies that are told by Satan in your ears about you not being good enough or loved, consider yourself a winner. After all, if you have come this far and are reading this text, it is because Christ is trying to show you that He has restored in you the bond of love with God, who created everything there is, including you! And only a bond of love such as that of Christ prevents people from giving up their lives, for it is in Him that all the perfection of love resides.
Jo 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.